How to recognize Rejection

Listen, everyone gets rejected and if you’ve been reading any of my old posts I’m preaching to the choir. The problem now is recognizing when you’ve been rejected.

Now we all know what an assertive rejection looks like, I’m talking about the dreaded passive aggressive rejection. They usually fall into 3 types:

  • The Polite Brush Off (PBO)
  • The Slow Fade
  • The Great Escape

Lets go over an example of each and teach you some ways to recognize these passive aggressive rejections:

The Polite Brush Off

The Polite Brush Off (PBO) could be considered the least aggressive of the 3 types of passive aggressive rejection.

The PBO is characterized by sustained contact but a lack of effort in response and also initiative to create contact.  You’ll notice in the example above  that the texter received texts and responded BUT  didn’t make any effort to keep the conversation going.

PRO TIP: If someone cancels on you, they’re the ones who need to reschedule.People get busy and if they’re interested in seeing you, they’ll make the time eventually

The polite brush off often involves a lot of cancelling and if they’re making no effort to reschedule you might be getting the brush off. When people remain in contact but don’t want to commit to concrete plans that is also a big indicator of getting the PBO. The key thing here is to consider why you would be getting a PBO.

Are you very polite/kind/nice to this person? Would they feel obligated in any way to be polite to you? Ask yourself these 3 questions:

  1. Have you had sex?
  2. Do you have mutual friends or  are you in the same social circles?
  3. Is this someone who considers themselves a “nice” or “good” person?

If that sounds like the person you’re seeing and they’re also exhibiting signs of diminished interest then chances are that you’re being politely brushed off. It’s annoying but on the other hand they really are trying to be as nice as possible. Rejections hurt and they just want to make you lose interest.

PRO TIP: Stop trying to be Nice and try to be Kind. The difference is this: Nice is agreeable but  Kind is being considerate. Be Considerate of the time and affection of others and don’t do the PBO or the Slow Fade or the Great Escape

The Slow Fade

The Slow Fade is a lot like the PBO but a little more obvious. You make plans to hang out now they’re suddenly sick, their dog has scarlet fever or some other contrived excuse. They’ll stop reaching out and when you reach out to them they’ll claim everything between you is normal. The major difference between the slow fade and the polite brush off is the tone. The PBO lulls you into thinking that interest is still there while the Slow Fade is pretty recognizable.

PRO TIP: If your friends have read your texts and said “They aren’t that into you” you are being faded.

If you text someone and they take days to respond and they’re response is  simply the letter “K” you’re being Faded.

Move on

The Great Escape

You don’t need an example to recognize the great escape, do you? Ok here is one: You text them once, they don’t respond. You text again, they don’t respond. Days pass, they never get back to you.

It’s the most aggressive passive-aggressive rejection out there. It sucks and you’ll know it when you

So now you’re wondering, how do I reject someone that I’m not interested in? Or even better, how to accept rejection gracefully

Well you can check out this great post from The Dating Diva‘s blog on sending a quick rejection . A good read in my opinion

And as a treat for my loyal readers, here is an actual rejectionI’ve received. It wasn’t a recent rejection but it stands out as maybe one of the best examples of good rejection.

The backstory is this: It was a first date, I liked her, thought we hit it off, I paid for everything and we parted ways. I called the next day because she mentioned the fact that gentleman never call anymore. Her rejection was as follows. Pink text is hers. Blue is mine. Any formatting for emphasis was purely my own:

Hey. I got your message.

Thanks for that, it’s really flattering. 🙂

I had a great time yesterday but I don’t feel the same way about you.

Thanks again though, I had a really fun time with you. You are a real gentleman

No worries. I had a great time and I wish you the best of luck

She was polite, thanked me, told me plainly that she didn’t have romantic interest in my, complimented me, and thanked me again.

That is how you reject someone

I was rejected and took it graciously (taking my own advice for once by being indifferent) and I wished her the best of luck

That is how you accept rejection and move on.

Don’t be rude because really they just did you a favor.

So there you have it. Hopefully you’ll recognize rejections when they happen and quickly move on.

Good luck out there

Demetrius Figueroa

Demetrius is a sex, dating, and relationship writer based in Brooklyn.

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