10 Ways To Fix Your Dating Life

I’m all about the shake up when things aren’t working. Maybe dating has been wholly unsuccessful, or your dating life has been stagnant lately, or who knows what else. If you’re reading this and you want 10 Ways To Fix Your Dating Life, read on,

1. Get A New Look The easiest change improve your dating life can be  often be a simple change to your look. A haircut, getting rid of dated clothing, getting more physically fit, getting rid of that terrible scrunchy, or what have you. It might be time to change up your look a bit, even if it’s undoing your perma-bun or getting rid of your soul patch.

2. Build Your Confidence Confidence is just plain sexy. Being handsome/gorgeous never hurt anyone but a 10 with no self-esteem is always going to do worse than a 7 who is self-confident. “But D, where can I learn how to build up my dating confidence?” you ask sheepishly. Here obviously.

3. Get Better At Conversations Excelling at conversations can really help you get better at dating. I’ve given you a list of conversation starters, but those are starters.  I’m way too lazy to teach you all the ways in which to get better at conversations but you can go here, here, here, here, here, and here and do some independent reading.

4. Stop Dating People Who Are Bad For You Dating “Bad Boys” or “Crazy Girls” might be fun in the short term but lets be real, like, REALLY REAL here. If you’re willfully choosing people who are bad for you, you’re the problem. “But D, I’m only attracted to people who are bad for me” you say. You can’t tell but I’m staring at you blankly, judging you with my eyes.

Grow up.

If someone treats you (or others) like crap, how is that attractive? Move On!

5. Stop Dating People Just Because You’re Single On the flip side, you need to not use people as a means to an ends. You shouldn’t date people just because you’re single. Date people you actually want to date (who are also not terrible, as mentioned in #4)

6. Get Good At Being Rejected Rejection is just a part of dating. If you’re the type to let it discourage you this can be crippling to your dating life. I’ve said it before but you really need to get good at taking rejection. It’s gonna happen so get used to it and remember: Rejection can only happen once (because then you move on to the next person).

7. Double Or Triple Your Dating Options Dating, like a job search, is all about numbers. If your options are limited to just word of mouth, you wont do as well as someone who is on the hunt checking classifieds, websites, leveraging their network AND using word of mouth. So when it comes to dating, why limit yourself to just friends of friends? Join a (preferably free) dating website, Join 2, Join 3!

8. Try New Places Sometimes your dating life sucks because of where you go on dates. It might be time to mix up the Where in the date equation.  Try new locations or try new types of places. It’s getting cold outside, why not do an ice-skating date? Take a date to a comedy show, or burlesque show, or attend a cool event like a Moth Story Slam. If you’re still at a loss, there are a ton of options out there for you. Time Out (Insert name of your city i.e. Time Out New York) , websites like Thrillist, Pulsd, and a few others aggregate “Cool things to do in your city” . Trust me, no matter where you live, there are new places or things to try.

9. Try New People Remember earlier where I said to stop dating people who are both bad for you and just because you’re single, well now I want you to try new people. This means try new types of people and also mean literally to date new people. Stop trying to date those people who are flaky but still around and stop trying to rekindle a dead flame of a romance.  Give yourself a new start.

10. Stop Dating Or, just give yourself a new start but rebooting your dating life.  Just stop dating and take a break for awhile. It might be time to just take some time to reflect on how much you actually enjoy dating, what you can do to make it more enjoyable, and what you ultimately want out of dating. If you’re looking for something serious, get off of tinder. If you’re looking for hookups, get off of eHarmony.

…and there you have it. Good Luck Out There

Demetrius Figueroa

Demetrius is a sex, dating, and relationship writer based in Brooklyn.

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