How To Get What You Want In Bed

If you’re currently having sex with someone or about to have sex with someone, I’m guessing you want it to be a good experience. So how do go about getting what you want in bed?

Before starting I want to say that this advice is for consenting adults. If that’s not what you are, please move on. Thanks

1. Be Honest with Yourself about What you Want

If you feel shame about what turns you on, or what you need to get off, how can you ever have great sex? Lose your hangups around your sexuality and embrace what you need to have satisfying sex.

2. Be Open About What you Want

Once you’ve figure out what you want, you need to communicate what you want with your partner(s). Depending on your personality, it might be a bit hard to flat out say it but would you rather be slightly embarrassed and have better sex or save yourself embarrassment and have boring sex?

3. Be Good, Giving, and Game

Be Good, Giving, and Game with your partner. Not sure what GGG is, here’s the definition via Urban Dictionary:  good in bed, giving equal time and equal pleasure, and game for anything—within reason. Simple advice that we can all follow.

4. Embrace Foreplay

There is a common misconception that Sex happens in 3 parts: Foreplay, Penetrative Sex, Completion. Here’s the thing, Sex isn’t 3 parts, it’s one big act. Dirty Talk can be as much a part of sex as the Penetrative stuff. Whatever your version of Foreplay is, embrace it and make it last. Whether it’s the aforementioned dirty talk, or massage, or whatever.

5. Remember, Your Pleasure is Your Own Responsibility

I think it’s safe to say that for most people, reaching an orgasm is what they want out of most of their sexual experiences. Despite that fact, there exists an orgasm gap. Yes I’m aware of that some people cannot orgasm and yes I’m aware it’s more common in women. Whether your goal is to orgasm, or just to enjoy the sex follow this simple rule: Figure out what you need to get either your Orgasm, or your ideal sense of pleasure, and make sure you get it. Whether it’s explicit instructions to your partner, incorporating toys, or whatever you need, just make sure you ask for it.

Remember, consent is sexy. If what you want isn’t what they want, sorry, but you can’t do it with them. Just because you want something doesn’t mean you get to get it.

Every No is a Hard Stop!

Maybe that means finding a new partner, but that’s for you to decide.

Good Luck Out There.

Demetrius Figueroa

Demetrius is a sex, dating, and relationship writer based in Brooklyn.

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