Five Frequently Asked Questions on Flirting

On this Friday, I felt a fervent fascination with alliteration and figured it was finally time to answer some frequent flirting questions. Without further ado here are five questions I’ve fastidiously focused on answer. How fortuitous for you, fair friends! (last one I promise) :

1. What are some basic flirting tips?

When you’re flirting, be on your B.E.S.T. behavior. Here’s what I mean:

  • Body Language that is positive
  • Eye Contact that is sustained
  • Smiling
  • Talking

Positive body language, maintain great eye contact, smile, and talk. Simple as that.

2. How can I tell if someone is flirting with me?

Check to see if they are on their B.E.S.T behavior, but also check where they’re standing in relation to you, what direction their torso is facing (seriously) and if they’re touching you in anyway. If they’re close to you, touching you, and have their torso facing toward you, that’s a good sign that they’re interested and you have their undivided attention. If they lean in to talk to you, even better. The torso thing is important. If their torso is turned slightly to the side  that means that, whether unconscious or not, they want to move away or are uncomfortable.

3. What’s the best way to flirt via social media?

First off, don’t be thirsty, just interact the way you normally would if you encountered them at a party and you wanted to flirt. They can’t see your physical body language, but they can tell you’re interested by the attention you give them. If it’s a stranger, don’t get all familiar with them because you’ve been following them for months. If you feel like they might be into you, send them a private message asking for their number. If you get rejected, shut down the flirting. If you can’t send them a private message (because they don’t follow you back) they probably aren’t all that interested in connecting with you.

4. How do I respond to flirting if I’m not interested?

People tend to take rejection three ways: with grace, indifference, or angrily. The best way to reject someone (if they aren’t harassing you) is to do it in a way that isn’t overt to avoid a hostile interaction. Saying “I’m not interested” is a great way to make someone defensive so if possible, try to passively reject their flirting by minimizing or avoiding flirty behaviors. If they are touching you and you’re not interested, tell them to stop touching you. f the persist in flirting after you’ve signaled disinterest, don’t be afraid to be direct.

5. Should I use pick up artists techniques to flirt?

Some of the PUA stuff is ridiculous and should be avoided at all costs: Negging, Touching without consent, Peacocking, Using ridiculous conversation openers for example. Some of the things that pick-up artists encourage are just good common sense “techniques“:  Be confident, avoid planning a conversation, try to read body language, try to have a mutually satisfying exchange for example. Take the techniques that are positive, and avoid the behaviors that are negative or outlandish. If the goal is to have a mutually satisfying exchange, think of how uncomfortable you’d be if someone insulted you after first meeting you. They might continue to talk to you, but it’d be the same sort of conversation you’d get into in a comments section on the internet.

Of course, if you’ve got more Flirting Q’s you want A’ed, or any other questions, you can email me at taoofindifference@gmail.com.

Good Luck Out There.

photo credit: Maria Georgieva (Mimoza291) {NSFW}

Demetrius Figueroa

Demetrius is a sex, dating, and relationship writer based in Brooklyn.

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