Dating Is Easy, Right?

Dating can be so easy, right? I know it was for me…so it must be for you, right?

Wait, are you saying that occasionally dealing with different personalities and searching for the right match for you might be a bit difficult? Interesting! Well, I guess dating can be hard for you less fortunate people, so here’s three tips that will make dating a lot easier for you:

1. Date on your own terms
Dating is not a democracy. If the focus of your dating life is to please other people you’re doing it wrong. I have an unabiding hatred of dinner on the first date,  once I stopped doing dinner dates my overall happiness with the dating process improved significantly.

Focus on getting what you want out of dating and the rest will sort itself out.

2. Stop dating terrible people

If you’re dating people who are bad for you or are bad people, Just Stop. If you’re dating someone and you realize that they’re a bad person, you’re under no obligation to stay with them. Cut your losses and move on.

This applies to the people you’re currently dating, and the people you plan on dating in the future. Don’t date people based on a potential future state. If you’re currently thinking “They’ll change” they might, but you don’t need to stick around and see if they will.

3. If a part of dating frustrates you, stop doing it

When people talk to me about why dating sucks they tend to be bothered by things that are completely in their own control. If you are tired of getting one line messages on dating apps, get off of dating apps. If you’re tired of meeting people who don’t want the same things out of dating, learn to screen better. Some things are out of your hand, but you’d be surprised how many parts of dating you can change if you simple ask yourself: Can I change this?

What do you hate about dating?

If it comes down to the people you’re going on dates with, you may need to learn to screen people. Here’s some tips on how to screen potential dates:

  • Figure out your dating goals
  • Create a Yes, No, Maybe (Y/N/M) list of ideal traits in a partner. Yes for absolutely necessary, No for absolutely cannot have this trait, Maybe for anything that won’t bother you. This is distinctly different from your dating goals. Dating goal = Marriage, kids. Y/N/M = Non-Smoker, Brony, Bieber Fan.
  • Pre-screen before a date either by text, chatting online, or a telephone call. Compare dating goals and as much of your Y/N/M list without getting too intrusive
  • During your first date, compare the rest of your Y/N/M list to your partner’s traits.
  • If they have a ton of No’s, don’t go on a second date

When making your Y/N/M list, try to put emphasis on major deal breakers (pro-abortion/anti-abortion, pro-gay rights, anti-gay rights, religion) and less so on things that aren’t as important (blue eyes versus green eyes, etc.)

Chances are if you make a solid Y/N/M list and really think about your dating goals, you’ll be going on dates with people who are more likely to be compatible with you. The most important thing to do is to NEVER go on a date with someone you have a bad feeling about. Or worse, go on a date simply because you’re both free. Treat your time and energy like the precious commodity that it is. You know you can’t get back yesterday, right?

If the very idea of dating is what bothers you, you might be suffering from dating burnout. Now would be a great time to completely cut yourself out of the dating world and just focus on being happy with you.

Good Luck Out There.

Demetrius Figueroa

Demetrius is a sex, dating, and relationship writer based in Brooklyn.

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