Do you think this is a rejection?

averageteenangst asks: 

So yeah I met this girl last week at a social event, had a really fun times, laughed loads, and generally thought we’d hit it off. Came home to find she sent me an FB request, so I messaged her the next day and we’ve chatted a bit. We were talking again today and I asked if she was busy much this week and wanted to hang out; her response was that she was busy working, but would “see me round soon”, perhaps so we could talk to a third person about something which we’d been talking about, and she said a couple of other things in relation to what we’d already been talking about. I said definitely and continued the convo as before.

I’m confused as to whether this was a polite “no” to anything at all, a “no but maybe hang out in a group” or a “yes but I’m busy this week”. What do you think?


Demetrius says:

I’m not sure if it was a rejection, because your phrasing is a bit weird, but I’m leaning toward a rejection. The thing is, it’s possible that it isn’t a final rejection and could be salvageable, but you probably could have avoided a quasi-rejection altogether if you had just been direct.

Here’s some advice that you didn’t really ask for but you sorely need. When you’re interested in someone romantically you need to express that interest as directly as possible. In fact, I’d also add that you should express your romantic interest as soon as possible. Here’s what happened in your situation. She friended you on Facebook, you messaged back and forth, then you asked her if she was “busy“. Why did you do this? Why would you ask someone if they are busy instead of just asking them out on a date first? Being direct is always the way to go! Asking if a girl is busy is the equivalent of you saying “I am not assertive enough to ask you out”. It’s entirely possible you were just being a polite person, but asking if someone is busy rather than asking them if they want to go on a date with you THEN asking for their availability comes off as very passive.

You might have missed your shot…or not. The best way to know for sure is to ask her out. Don’t be afraid to be rejected because there will be other women out there for you if she does reject you. Plus, the pain of rejection is a lot easier to deal with than the uncertainty of “Was this a no, a no but lets be friends, or a yes but I’m busy?”. What If’s are the worst thing to keep in your head when  you’re dating and until you ask her out and get a definitive answer, you’re going to be driving yourself crazy going through all the ways it may or may not be a rejection. Don’t ever, ever, ask someone out indirectly. I’m guessing you were going to say “Well if you’re not busy, maybe we could go out” and that’s fine and polite, but it’s always better to lead with asking someone out, then ask if they are busy.

When you like someone, you need to bite the bullet and ask them out. Period.

Good Luck Out There.

Demetrius Figueroa

Demetrius is a sex, dating, and relationship writer based in Brooklyn.

2 thoughts on “Do you think this is a rejection?

  • July 20, 2015 at 9:20 am
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    It is a rejection because he didn’t ask out she maybe didn’t want to play the back and forth game

    Reply
    • July 20, 2015 at 4:12 pm
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      Couldn’t agree more. Most guys don’t realize that until you actually ask someone out, everything up until then is going to be perceived as a whole bunch of back and forth. Instead of tepidly asking “When are you free?” it’s always better, and more attractive, to be direct and ask someone on a date

      Reply

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