How do I add and message girls on Facebook I’ve never met?

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Minimegamax asks:

So recently I have been seeing a lot of pretty girls on Facebook. and I am considering adding some of them even though I’ve never met them in my life. But the first thing they usually say is something along the lines of “Hi, do I know you? How come you added me?”. I am looking for advice on what to tell them. I was thinking something like “Yeah I was browsing Facebook and thought you were beautiful so I added you, hope you don’t mind :)”, does that alright or a bit weird?


Demetrius says:

Here’s the short answer: NOPE.

Here’s the long answer: NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPEEEE!

You know, just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. While I get your train of thought, that if you see an attractive person you should try to chat them up. I’ve even said as much. But when I said it, I was talking about doing that in a situation where it was appropriate. If you came across a hypothetical hottie out in public, or on a dating website, you have to shoot your shot. On a social network? No.

Listen to me very carefully: Social networks are not dating website. If you see a gorgeous person on Facebook, or LinkedIn, that is not the place to try to date them. PERIOD. You come off as incredibly creepy when you do, and there is no way around that. There are some exceptions but they are very very few and very far between. If for example you met a pretty woman through a friend of a friend and you message her on Facebook afterwards trying to connect, that would be okay if she’s interested. I’ve done it before, to mixed results, but it never came off as weird because it was someone I met, but I missed the opportunity to ask for her number. If you’ve never interacted with someone, befriending them on Facebook is okay (but a bit weird), but following up when they ask why you’re trying to connect with “You fine girl” is never, ever, not going to come off as creepy. There really is no getting around that. Sure, there might be a 0.00000001% chance that she’ll be okay with you being as thirsty as the Sahara but trust me, 99.9999999% of the time you’re not going to connect with a stranger because you think she’s attractive. Sorry but there is no way that doing what you’re planning on doing isn’t weird.

If you want to meet attractive women, have you considered putting yourself in a position where you can? This might sound a bit unorthodox but hear me out. Instead of spending hours scroll through Facebook in the hopes that a beautiful woman will appear in your suggested friends, you should instead put yourself out there so that you can meet attractive women without seeming thirsty. Try dating online, or going to places and events where single people flock. It’s a lot easier to walk up to a woman and say “I saw you across the room and you looked beautiful so I wanted to introduce myself” and you’ll definitely get better results than blindly messages a pretty face.Most of the things that people find attractive are things you can only see or hear in person.

Seriously though, you have to use the tools at hand appropriately. Social networks are for socializing and connecting with people you know or are acquainted with, dating sites and singles bars are for dating and meeting singles.To use one for the other is like using a hacksaw to hammer a nail.

Good Luck Out There.

Demetrius Figueroa

Demetrius is a sex, dating, and relationship writer based in Brooklyn.

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