Amazing first date, now the holidays. When should I text?

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firstdategal asks:

I am recently getting out of a long-term relationship (I ended it and am ready to move on) and am just getting into the dating scene. I unexpectedly met a really great guy on OkCupid and we had a great first date. I am talking giggling and laughing the whole time, a ton in common, and the date stretched on for hours. We met for coffee, and we ended up gong for a long walk and there was lots of kissing. The problem is we are both going home for the holidays for a couple of weeks. He said he would text me when he gets back. Should either of us text before that? Will there just be silence for 2 weeks, and if so isn’t it kind of easy to forget those plans?

Help, I forgot how hard dating is!


Demetrius says:

I hear you on this. Dating during the holidays will never not be difficult. If you’re in the early stages of dating, you have to juggle the normally occurring breaks between seeing the person in addition to holiday obligations with family and friends. While you might normally see them once a week, it’s possible you wont see them for a month, which really puts a hamper on building a connection during the early stages of dating. You want to respect their time with family and friends, but you also want to keep yourself fresh in their minds. What to do?

Your texting habits while on holiday should mirror your texting habits prior to you both being on holiday. If you texted once a week before your first date, do that. If you didn’t text much before you met, don’t text much. Next, you need to text for a reason. Here’s a few good reasons to text someone if you weren’t texting frequently before: The occurrence of a holiday they celebrate. You saw something that made you think of them. The halfway point between when they went on holiday to when they will be returning. It doesn’t have to be that specific but, assuming you celebrate Christmas, you can text on Christmas, and you can definitely text on New Year’s Eve. If they recommended a book for you and you’ve started it, or finished it, you can text them about that since it’s a specific reason to text. If you know they’ll be back in your city or town on, let’s say the 4th of January, feel free to text somewhere between now and then.

The reason could also be as simple as “Thinking of you” but again, it’s a good idea to text at the same frequency you were texting at before your first date. You can’t send a daily “thinking of you” if up until this point you weren’t texting that way. I’d avoid texting in a way that tries to establish concrete plans for when he returns. This isn’t general advice, this is specific advice for your situation. Because he said he’ll text you when he gets back, it’s possible that he’s still playing the field and doesn’t necessarily want to commit to a specific date until he gets back and weighs his options. I could be wrong,  but even if I’m not, don’t get discouraged. Playing the field is normal this early in the dating stage, and you could be his number one option, but he doesn’t want to put all his metaphorical eggs and his metaphorical basket.

I think in your case, if we’re counting the two weeks between December 21st and January 4th, you’ve got 2, maybe 3 opportunities to text him. The first is Christmas, (assuming you, like 70% of Americans, are Christian), the second is either the midway point, which would be the 28th, or New Year’s Eve. The third would be right before he gets back (ex.have a safe flight, looking forward to seeing you). Beyond that, since you’ve only been on 1 date and it sounds like you weren’t texting a lot to begin with, it might be best to just keep communication open, but not frequent. If he starts texting you a bunch, by all means, reciprocate, but if he isn’t getting back to you, with good reason, don’t sweat it. Text a couple times and save your momentum building for the 2nd date.

It’s always a bit nerve-wracking when you can’t keep your dating tempo going, but with a good texting strategy you can maintain some of the momentum you built on the first date.

Good Luck Out There.

Demetrius Figueroa

Demetrius is a sex, dating, and relationship writer based in Brooklyn.

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