Having feelings for a girl but she’s too young. What do I do?

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SockPuppetPsycho asks:

I met a girl at a part-time job a few months ago. She hit all of my sweet spots as far as attraction is concerned. However as I got to know her I found out that, despite her looks and maturity, she was too young for me (I’m 21, she’s 4 1/2 years younger.) We still became friends and we’re still close to this day.

My problem is that I still haven’t been able to shake my initial feelings for her. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t feel the same way. Hell even if she did I don’t know what I’d do about it (I technically could date her, her family loves me and I’m actually younger than her ex.)

My question is, should I tell her about my feelings or ride it out in hope that what I feel will fade away?


Demetrius says:

I’m glad you said it upfront so I don’t have to. You’re right, she is too young for you. Since you led with the main point, I’ll lead with mine: You shouldn’t tell her about your feelings, you shouldn’t try to date her which you claim isn’t a possibility but also hint is something you *might* want, and you should try to meet someone new, who is age appropriate because doing so will replace supplant your infatuation with this 16-year-old.

You seem to know that she’s too young for you, but expressed some doubt and tried to *maybe* make the case that hey, dating her would technically be okay, so let’s address that. Forgetting the legal aspect because depending on the state you live in, dating her could pose legal problems since the age of consent in more than half the states in the United States is 16, but it’s entirely possible you live in a state where the age of consent is 17 or 18 like New York, or California, or Tennessee (which surprised me, if we’re being honest). Taking that aspect out of the equation, let’s just be real with each other. Legal or not, she is way too young for you to date. What can you have in common with this girl? You’re on your way to adulthood and odds are good that she’s on her way to planning for prom. You’re at different places in your life and really, I’m surprised that you can be friends with her at all. I see teenagers on the subway everyday and they are the worst. THE WORST. I can’t even imagine sitting in a room with an 16-year-old and thinking “Wow, this person brings a lot to the table”. Maybe she’s mature, or maybe you’re just immature, but whatever the case may be, don’t even hold the idea that it would maybe-possibly be okay to date her even if her family would be okay with it. I’m done preaching, but this is non-negotiable. This whole situation has overtones of the whole Tyga-Kylie Jenner relationship and yeah, you don’t want that. I’m done talking about the age thing and you should be done even considering dating a teenager. Let’s move on.

As far the “should I ride it out in hope that what I feel will fade away” thing trust me, they definitely will, and probably sooner than you think. If I had to guess, I’d say you’re infatuated with a young girl you find attractive and not much else. The easiest cure to get over an infatuation is to find someone new, and . I’m sure this 16-year-old is super charming and mature and a fully fledged human (just kidding, I’m guessing that she’s young and thin and likes the weird crap you like) so you think it might be hard to replace your level of attraction to her with someone else. You’d be wrong though. Trust me when I tell you that I was infatuated with say….at least 30 different women when I was 21 years old and I can *maybe* remember one of their namesInfatuation and attraction fade, so just wait it out and it’ll happen naturally. If you want to be proactive, focus on meeting someone new who is age appropriate.

Now, as for whether or not you should tell her how you feel, the answer is no. Just because you have feelings for someone doesn’t mean you need to tell them about those feelings. In your case, I think it’s inappropriate to date a 16-year-old, and since I’m saying “don’t try to date her” there really is no reason to tell her how you feel. In general, if someone has feelings for someone but telling them would be inappropriate or unwanted, if for example they are married, I’d say don’t tell them how you feel. The great things about humans is that they can feel strongly for multiple people  at the same time, so being attracted to one person doesn’t preclude you from being attracted to someone else. Sure, you’re infatuated with this girl, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find someone else that you click with.

Good Luck Out There.

p.s. No, but seriously she is WAY TOO YOUNG FOR YOU. FULL FREAKING STOP. FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN DRINK IN BARS AND DATE THEM.

 

Demetrius Figueroa

Demetrius is a sex, dating, and relationship writer based in Brooklyn.

2 thoughts on “Having feelings for a girl but she’s too young. What do I do?

  • January 13, 2016 at 1:05 pm
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    Lol, Likes the weirdo crap you do. As a mother to twin 17year olds, I would NEVER allow them to talk for alittle, more less date or consider dating my daughters, I would be furious at the least if he were even thinking about it. YES, find someone your own age. Now, if you meet up again in 10 years, she is 26yr, you are 30.5yrs, then fine. A teenage mind is warped at best – you cannot expect them to behave in any adult way. STOP is right!

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