Should I bring flowers for my Tinder date?

pexels-photo (2)

Obib asks:

I’m going on a “tinder” date (not a Tinder date, but a similar app) and was wondering if I should bring a flower for my date. If so, what type of flower?


Demetrius says:

Let’s just get this out of the way. Most people probably shouldn’t show up to a first date with flowers. I wouldn’t do it on a first date, and I think that if you polled a bunch of people on the subject, they would overwhelmingly be against this idea. That said, a few people might actually like the idea of getting flowers on a first date. I will say that generally speaking, the older the woman, the more likely it is that she’ll be charmed by flowers on the first date. If your date is a woman, it’s something to consider. If you’re both in your 50s and you want to bring your date some flowers, it is more likely to go over better than it might go if you’re in your 20s. Not foolproof, not always true, but just something to consider.

What I really want to know is why you want to get flowers for your date. What the gesture generally means aside, why are you considering getting flowers at all? Is there a specific reason you think this is a good idea, or is it just a whim? I can  think of some scenarios where getting flowers would be a good idea, but they are pretty specific. If your conversations were about flowers in some way, like your date lamenting the fact that they’ve never received flowers, showing up with flowers could make for a cool surprise. Of course, that is a very specific case. In most cases, showing up with flowers will be seen as too much too soon, or as a misplaced effort to impress. It’s a risky idea for sure, so keep that in mind if you’re dead set on surprising your date with flowers. Which I cannot repeat enough, I’m against on a first date.

If you really, really, REALLY want to show up on your date with flowers, my advice would be to ask if it’s okay before you buy them. I know it might take a bit of the romance out of the gesture, but there are just way too many ways in which getting flowers for your date can go wrong. It can be awkward, or maybe your date is allergic to what you pick, or it just turns your date off completely by making them uncomfortable. If you’re really committed to this gesture, it’s better to do it the right way and just ask for their preferences first. There are just so many feelings people tie to flowers that it’s just way too risky to surprise someone with them on a first date. Again, I wouldn’t bring flowers on a date for a lot of reasons, but if you insist, ask first. If you still persist, and refuse to ask, you will rarely go wrong with a singular red rose. It’s worked for 20 seasons of The Bachelor.

With that out of the way, here is some general flower giving advice. First, ask the person what flowers they love and which they loathe. You’d be surprised how many people do not want to receive red roses (Yes, I know I said it was a safe bet, but a bet is still a bet). When you buy flowers, make sure to ditch the wrapping they usually come in and get them wrapped and cut on the spot.You know that cheap looking clear plastic wrapping with a sticker on it that flowers come in? Yeah, ditch that and get someone to cut the flowers and re-wrap them for you all fancy like. Be sure to tip when you do, because most places will not charge you for wrapping. The most important thing to remember is if you decide to give someone flowers, bear in mind that it sets a precedent. Let’s say you bring flowers on the first date, what does that tell the person receiving them? It sends a message that giving flowers is something you do, so if things progress and you start dating, at some point this person is going to start thinking about the last time you gave them flowers. If you’re one of those people who gives flowers just to give them, that’s cool, but if you normally aren’t and just want to do this random gesture, keep in mind that giving flowers once, randomly, is going to establish a weird tone. The worst thing you can hear from someone you’re dating is “You never do that thing you used to do anymore” so keep in mind that giving flowers can become one of those things. Proceed with caution.

You know where I stand on flowers on the first date, but if you’re dead set on it, go for it (and maybe get some advice on what flowers to get). I wouldn’t do it, but maybe you’re just more of an old-fashioned charmer than I am.

Good Luck Out There.

Demetrius Figueroa

Demetrius is a sex, dating, and relationship writer based in Brooklyn.

5 thoughts on “Should I bring flowers for my Tinder date?

  • May 20, 2016 at 2:55 pm
    Permalink

    mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i’m good. granted i’m not a flower person, but still – there are so many reasons this is just not a great idea. 1- where am i putting said flowers if we’re going out? now i’m stuck with them all night til I get home? actually, end of list. just don’t do it.

    Reply
    • May 20, 2016 at 3:02 pm
      Permalink

      That’s the thing I’d be worried about like…have you ever taken a bouquet of flowers to a bar? Or a restaurant? It just seems like a logistics nightmare.

      Reply
  • May 20, 2016 at 3:15 pm
    Permalink

    I’m 100% a flower person and I still think it’s a bad idea! Too much for someone you haven’t actually met yet. The cons list is waaay longer than the pro list. Save it for date 2 or 3!

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.