Don’t Chase them, Replace them

Dating is hard but it doesn’t have to be. We’ve all been in a position where we’re unsure about the texts we get and I’m sure you’re you’re thinking “It shouldn’t be this hard” and you’re right.

It shouldn’t be.

With that said…let’s take some advice from preeminent modern philosopher Shawn Carter (aka Jay-Z) on how best to deal  with people giving you mixed signals.

So, in the song I just wanna love you (Give it to me), Jay-Z uses the line: Ya’ll be chasin, I replace  ’em.

Which brings me to my first point: Stop Chasing

Websites like HeTexted are dedicated solely to determining what a text means. I’ll let you in on a little secrect: The words in a text mean absolutely nothing it’s really all about the action behind it. If someone has made plans to meet with you on multiple occasions and cancels it’s a sign. Now, that’s not to say that we don’t all have busy lives. Occasionally, you do need to cancel.

My question is this:

Was there follow up?

Did the person who cancelled try to make any effort into seeing you again?

Apologies are nice but it’s all about the action.

If you’re chasing behind someone who constantly cancels, sets up plans last minute, and isn’t responsive it might be time for you to move on. People like to say that dating isn’t a game but it really is. Think of dating as playing catch. In an ideal situation you’re throwing the ball (attention, texts, affection) back and forth at a level or distance that you’re both comfortable with. You ever try playing catch by yourself? This isn’t The Great Escape and you’re not a POW so why play catch with yourself?

I’m not saying that you need to cut off all contact with someone, just realize that their actions are the best indicator of their interest. Don’t be the one putting all the effort. Don’t Chase.

On the song On To The Next One, Jay-Z has the following lyric: 

I move forward/ the only direction/
cant be scared to fail/ in Search of perfection*

Which brings me to my last point: Replace (and don’t be afraid to do it)

I’ve said this before in other posts about rejection. You can’t be scared to be rejected and I’d like to take it one step further. You can’t be scared to reject people. Even if they are attractive and you match up on paper, the attention they give you is indicative of their interest. If a perfect ten isn’t responding to your texts it might be time to drop him/her.

You will find someone new. Maybe that person isn’t as attractive, or clever, or funny, but at least they will put in the effort. Jay-Z said it best and you really should listen to him, he’s pretty successful at life.

Be indifferent to the people who are indifferent to you.

Good luck out there

Demetrius Figueroa

Demetrius is a sex, dating, and relationship writer based in Brooklyn.

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