For a woman in the online dating community, it’s easy to become discouraged with the numerous faux pas men are guilty of in the dating pool. Impressing a potential mate on a first date is imperative in the courting process, but there are a few ubiquitous acts of self‐sabotage you can commit before you even make it to your date. Here are six all‐too‐common mistakes that can be easily avoided to achieve a more positive first impression.
1. Picking a place that is right next to your apartment yet entirely inconvenient for her
Demonstrating chivalry right out of the gate is extremely important. This can be achieved simply by choosing wisely when it comes to the location of the initial meeting. Selecting a restaurant or bar right next to your apartment that isn’t convenient for your date is not a good look. There are exceptions, if you have been discussing a specific place in particular for example. But countless guys will suggest meeting at a bar that is advantageously located on their block or their part of town. That tells us either you’re lazy as hell, or you’re blatantly trying to take us back to your place after. Meeting somewhere in the middle is a fair play but extra points always go to the gentlemen that offers to meet somewhere in the lady’s neighborhood.
2. Trying too hard to start conversations via text before the date
Wanting to get acquainted with a potential girlfriend is certainly commendable, but that is the whole purpose of the date. If the chemistry and conversation aren’t there in person it’s completely irrelevant how pleasant the conversation was via text. Delve into the details of each other’s lives when you meet face to face, not over text*. *If there is going to be quite a bit of time until you are able to meet, texting to ask about someone’s week or something simple is nice. Save the getting to know each other for the date though.
3. Canceling last minute
We all get it. Shit happens. Deadlines get moved up, flights get delayed, and people get salmonella. But for heaven’s sake, show up for the dates you’ve committed to when humanly possible. Don’t be the asshole who has the nerve to say that he got too drunk the night before and is now too hungover to uphold his commitments. Being considerate of someone’s time is a very important personality trait. If you leave someone all dressed up with nowhere to go, chances are you won’t get another chance. Also, in the event you (really) DO need to ask for a raincheck, have a plan right away to meet again a few days later.
4. Not picking a place, or picking a place that makes no sense for a first date
There are few things more off‐putting than a man who is incapable of taking the reins and making a decision. Inquiring as to whether or not we have a preference for a certain kind of food or beverage is definitely honorable, but if there is no preference given, be sure to take some initiative and choose a venue. You also have to be mindful of your choice. Is a live jazz bar really an easy place to have a conversation? Maaaaybe that dive or the Irish pub is more of a place to get smashed with your buddies during the football game? Wine bars are always a great way to go. The cozier the better. Also, if you are going out in a neighborhood that you are unfamiliar with, there is this great little invention called Yelp. Use it.
5. Not following up early enough for a date
As demonstrated in number three, there is an overabundance of flakes in the dating pool, and everyone’s time should be considered valuable. If you planned a date and haven’t spoken in a few days, follow up early in the day, preferably before noon. No one wants to wait around checking their phone to see if a date is still on for that night. If a girl doesn’t hear from you at a reasonable time, she will most likely assume she is being flaked on and make other plans before it’s too late.
6. Texting late at night asking to hang out
I feel I shouldn’t need to say much about this. Sadly, I do. Texting a girl after you have been out drinking to ask if they want to ‘meet up’ or ‘hang out’ is a bush league move. It’s desperate. It’s sleazy. Don’t do it.
I hope this shed some light on the common mistakes that can easily lead to a missed connection.
About the author, Nikki Zimmer
Nikki Zimmer is a blogger living and working in advertising in New York City. Nikki started www.TheSingleSociety.com to archive the amusing interactions and cautionary tales of finding love in the Big Apple. She enjoys exotic world travel, live jazz music and a good happy hour.