He wants fun, I want more. What do I do?

bench-sea-sunny-man (1)CanadianChick1990 asks:

He came out of a bad marriage 2 years ago and by the sounds of it, has just been “having fun” ever since. I’m normally a pretty damn good sense of character and I thought he seemed really nice. We were chatting for a while and seemed to get on well. He obviously doesn’t want to get hurt again, but I can’t stop thinking of him! Should I just forget about him?


Demetrius says:

I think it’s interesting that you clearly know the answer to your question, the guy in question is obviously being open and honest with you, you recognize that you have differing priorities, and somehow you still want to ask what you should do in your situation.

You’re asking a very simple question that I actually answer pretty frequently. You want to know if you should pursue someone who has differing priorities than you when it comes to dating. The answer, as always, is NO. With that out-of-the-way, I wanted to address something you’re implying. There’s nothing inherently wrong with him wanting to “have fun” by which I assume you mean that he only wants to date casually. If he’s open and honest about it, which he clearly was, I’m not really sure why you phrased it as though he somehow has bad character. It’s funny that you say that he got out of a bad marriage and has been having fun ever since as though he’s somehow wrong for doing that. I’m not really sure why you’re saying that he “seemed nice” as if casual dating makes you some sort of monster. He’s out there doing what he wants to do and being honest about it. Sounds like a person with good character to me. Maybe I’m just old-fashioned, but a person who is open and honest and not malicious about their intentions is generally considered a good person to me. Maybe we differ in our beliefs about what makes someone a good person.

What you’re really saying is “He wants this, I don’t, I’m infatuated and thus it bothers me”. To which I say, get over him. Seriously, if he can’t give you what you want and you’re dwelling on him, the issue is with you. I’m sure he’s charming and witty and all that but if he doesn’t want anything serious and you do, he isn’t the one for you. Period. Move on and find someone who wants the same things you do. Trust me, commitment minded people are easy to find if you’re looking hard enough.

You should end things amicably because  he’s doing nothing wrong. He wants a life that you don’t want, so don’t waste either your time or his by pursuing him. Drop him, wish him the best, and move on.

Good Luck Out There.

 

Demetrius Figueroa

Demetrius is a sex, dating, and relationship writer based in Brooklyn.

2 thoughts on “He wants fun, I want more. What do I do?

  • October 5, 2015 at 1:58 pm
    Permalink

    She may want to change him for her own benefit but it won’t work that way

    Reply
    • October 5, 2015 at 2:01 pm
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      It never does. You can change small behaviors like…making sure he puts down the toilet seat, but changing what he wants out of life is a fool’s errand

      Reply

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