How do I “man up” and ask a girl I like out?

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Askoutagirlthrowaway asks:

I’ve known a girl in my class for a few months now, we get along and I just want to ask her to do something with me. I tried doing it today but backed out just become I’m scared & a little awkward I know she likes me as a person (I can make her laugh), but I don’t know if she “likes” me. Any suggestions?


Demetrius says:

I wanted to make today’s post a short one, so I am very grateful for this question. You’re asking a pretty straightforward question: How do you man up and ask a girl out? How do you build up your confidence to ask someone out, in the face of a potential rejection? How do you manifest the fortitude to do something you’re afraid to do?

You just do it.

 

People have this belief that in order to do a thing they’re afraid of doing, you have to brave. Nah. You don’t have to be NOT be afraid to do something, you just have to accept your fear and act anyway. You can be afraid to fail, and not you let that fear stop you from acting. You know what I’m afraid of? That I’ll write something and people will be indifferent to it. Ironic, I know, but that’s the truth. If you hate what I do, or just think I’m not good at writing, I can deal with that. Indifference though, that is a little harder for me to deal with. Even though it’s a fear of mine, I still write as often as I can. The easy thing would be to not write, because then my fears could never come true, but sometimes you just have to do a thing even if you’re afraid of the outcome. Like asking out someone even when you’re a little scared, or feel a little awkward.

I don’t know any other way to teach bravery in the face of rejection other than just telling you to put yourself in a position where it’s a possibility. If you’re afraid of rejection, do your best to avoid it by approaching people in smart ways, but don’t let your fear stop you from trying to purse people. Chances are good that you’ll be rejected more often than not in your life, but occasionally, you wont get rejected. Maybe in this case you will get rejected, or maybe you wont, but you wont know before you try. Maybe is worth the shot. The only people who have any success in dating are people who put themselves in positions where they could be rejected. I’m sure many of these people, myself included, were afraid of getting rejected, but they asked people out anyway, because you can act even when you’re afraid. They didn’t wait to become some “manned up” version of themselves before asking out people they were interested in, they just asked them out and prepared for the worst. That’s the only way I know to “man up” in the face of a potential rejection, you just do it and hope for the best.

You don’t have to be brave, you just have to push past your fear. And remember, the worst case scenario is that she does reject you, but that’s just an opportunity for you to get rid of all your doubt about where you stand with her and move on. Consider that a win.

Good Luck Out There.

Demetrius Figueroa

Demetrius is a sex, dating, and relationship writer based in Brooklyn.

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