How will you know when you’ve found the one?

Does your heart race at the mention of their name?

Does the thought of living life without them make your heart hurt?

Can you picture a world without them?

Ah to be young and madly in love. That all-consuming love that makes you feel vulnerable and at the same time, unafraid. The aching, the longing, hopeful for the future sort of love. The feeling you get when you know you’ve found the one.

Or maybe, just maybe, you’re not feeling that way. Maybe you’ve never felt that way. Maybe the days where you felt a love that felt overwhelming are long gone, replaced by a hardheartedness that comes from years of rejection, abuse, or general dating malaise. Dating has made you jaded, which has made the search for love, and recognizing love, all the harder. So, how will you know when you’ve found the one?

Quick aside: I don’t believe in soul mates, because I don’t believe in predestination. I don’t believe that there exists only one perfect partner for you. The world is too big for that. There are tons of people out there that would be a good fit for you, you just haven’t met them yet. When I say “one”, what I mean is “a great person for you”, and nothing more than that.

Finding the right match for you doesn’t have to be heralded by these big, overtly dramatic romantic feelings. Finding a great partner doesn’t have to feel like a Neruda poem. It can be as simple as trusting someone with who you really are. It can be as small as wanting to share your hobbies with someone. It can be all those things, and none of those things.

Yes, for some people there will be a big, romantic fanfare when they feel like they’ve found the one, but that doesn’t have to be the case for you.

There isn’t one tried and true way to know you’ve found the (right) one (for you, at this point in time). Some people don’t “just know”, and there is nothing wrong with not feeling this way. Some people don’t feel like they’d be lost in the world if they had to be with anyone else. And some people are skeptical by nature and will always have doubts.

So, here’s how you’ll know if you’ve found the one: You take a leap of faith. If you’re right, you’ll live happily ever after. If you’re wrong, you live and you learn.

Love is a great and powerful thing, and no great reward in life comes without great risk.

Some people will know for certain, some people wont, but either way, they’re taking a leap of faith. If you feel certain you’ve found the one, all you’re saying is that you have faith. If you’re not certain, but you’re willing to try, you’re putting yourself out there and hoping for the best. Either way, faith plays into your decision.

There are no guarantees when it comes to finding love, other than the guarantee that it takes faith. You have to put yourself out there. You have to risk pain, and loss, and hurt, and heartbreak. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes when you think you’ve got a sure thing, a lifetime of happiness ahead of you, the feeling disappears. Sometimes the person you’re unsure about makes you the happiest you’ll ever be.

Love takes luck and faith, so take a risk when you think you might have found the one. It’ll be worth it, even if it doesn’t work out.

Good Luck Out There.

Demetrius Figueroa

Demetrius is a sex, dating, and relationship writer based in Brooklyn.

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