How You’re Ruining Your First Dates, and How To Stop

You may not realize it, but you might be sabotaging your first dates. Whether on purpose or not, there are some common behaviors that people do on first dates that absolutely ruin their first dates. Luckily, I know what they are and how to stop:

1. You’re bringing up past relationships

How to stop: If you find yourself bringing up your past relationships to strangers you’re probably dealing with some unresolved feelings. Address those feelings whether through introspection or with a professional. If it has less to do with unresolved feelings and more to do with you thinking it’s appropriate first date conversation, spoiler alert, it’s not an appropriate first date conversation. STOP.

2. Your first dates are boring

How to stop: Read these posts. Once you do that, here are some simple tips to follow:

  • Pick a place that will be fun for both and convenient to get to
  • Read this post on conversation topics
  • Go with the flow and avoid rigidity

Following these tips will ensure that you pick a place that isn’t boring, don’t have boring conversations, and don’t come off as a rigid or boring person.

3. You keep ignoring your date

How to stop: Put your phone away. Stop checking facebook, your email, instagram, or the dating app you’re on. Focus on your date while you’re on the date. Make eye contact, smile, actively listen and respond to what they’re saying with thoughtful comments.

4. You don’t make your romantic intentions clear

How to stop: At some point during your date, you need to make your intentions clear. During the date, try to initate physical contact (with their permission of course) using light touching on their arm or back. At the end of the date, I’d suggest going in for the kiss. You’ve made your intentions clear and if they reciprocate they get to as well. If they don’t reciprocate you also get a clear indication of their interest level.  If you’re gun-shy about kissing on the first date (because you’re a time-traveler from the 1950s) tell them that you want to take them out on another DATE. Not a hangout, an actual DATE.

5. You misled your date

How to stop:  If you’re insecure about the truth of who you are and are dishonest about your height, weight, how you look, your profession, income level, your education, or anything else, being dishonest wont help you get to date number two. The simplest way to stop is to be yourself, warts and all. You might go on less first dates but I can promise that you’ll end up going on MORE second dates if you’re honest.

Good Luck Out There.

photo credit: Kurt Bauschardt

Demetrius Figueroa

Demetrius is a sex, dating, and relationship writer based in Brooklyn.

2 thoughts on “How You’re Ruining Your First Dates, and How To Stop

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.