Is giving her your number a better method than asking for her number?

Is giving her your number a better method than asking for her number?

Sarkovic asks:

Only started doing it recently and have had a lot of success so far. A lot of girls give their number even when they are not interested in you because they are too polite to say no or feel pressured.

My theory is that if you give them your number first and when they text you later, it actually shows they are interested in you and you don’t have to force a conversation like when you have to text them first.


Demetrius says:

I think you hit the nail mostly on the head with some of the pros and cons for both approaches, so let me just add a few observations and my own insight. I’ll tell you right now though, there is no “better” method exchanging phone numbers.

The negative thing that can come from asking for a woman’s number is either getting a fake number, or her real number but she has no intention of responding. The biggest positive, by far, is that now you get to take the initiative at whatever pace you like. Having initiative in your hands is great because it gives you the opportunity to impress someone right out of the gate. If she’s interested in you, and early on you prove your quality by a) actively planning a date and b) not sending unsolicited sexts, you’ll only build on her interest.

Quick side note: There are tons of reasons of reasons why women might give you a fake number, or give you their number but never respond. One of those is that rejecting men has proved fatal to many women. Not every man is violent when rejected, but there’s always a chance. When it comes to dealing with strangers, sometimes it’s better to be safe than sorry. So men, if this keeps happening to you, don’t let it bum you out. Women are just trying to be safe. 

You did a great job of laying out the positive arguments for giving your number rather than asking for one. It’s a great way to check if someone is really interested in you, rather than just giving you their number for reasons other than romantic interest. One negative about this approach, is that the approach is passive. Some women will be turned off by this because it shows a lack of initiative. You also have to consider that while you’re putting the ball in her court to make the first move, many women are not used to nor skilled at making the first move. Or they don’t necessarily think it should be their role to initiate conversation.

Both approaches have pros and cons, and I think that each approach has merit. There isn’t a better or best method, so much as there is a best method for you.

Personally, I’m a big fan of mixing up which approach you use based on the person you’re chatting up, and the situation you’re in. If they have an aggressive or assertive personality, maybe I’ll give them my number. If they seem interested, but a bit old-fashioned, I’ll ask for their number. On dating apps, I tend to be the one to ask for phone numbers, mostly because there is an assumption that if they continue to have a conversation with me over a dating app, they’re interested. Because you can stop responding/unmatch someone at any time on a dating apps, and you’ll probably never see that person again, I’ve found that 9 times out of 10, whenever I get a phone number on a dating app they’re actually interested in going on a date. In person, I’m more likely to give my number and say If you’re interested, send me a text so I can plan our first date”. Just my preferences though, this isn’t the end all be all guide for how you should try to get or give out your phone number.

None of those approaches or better or worse, they’re just preferences. If you think giving your number is the best approach for you, keep doing it. It seems to be working out for you, so why worry about what is or isn’t “better”?

Good Luck Out There.

Demetrius Figueroa

Demetrius is a sex, dating, and relationship writer based in Brooklyn.

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