Never go on a Bad First Date

You should never go on a bad first date. There are hard to avoid but the signs are there.

Some bad dates are unavoidable but the key to not purposely going on bad dates is knowing what you want. I’m assuming that when you go on dates you’re potentially interested/want to start dating someone. If you want something casual you should be “hanging out” and not going on dates. I’ve got a post in the works just for you but for now, let’s focus on you commitment minded people.

Don’t date people who have nothing on their dating profile

  • These people are either lazy, don’t have the time, or don’t care enough. It’s not that they themselves are not serious about dating, it’s just very likely that these people wont or cant give you the time, effort, or energy needed to go on a good date.

Don’t date people who aren’t your type

  • Physically, mentally, emotionally. You like tall fit boys who are smart and emotionally stable? Don’t go on the date with the short skinny boy who last read a book in high school and is  so hung up on his ex he made a doll out of her hair. You’re not being superficial just being honest. There can be exceptions but be warned, you’re already starting at a disadvantage.

Don’t date people whose lifestyle you don’t respect

  • Income, Job, Religion, political affiliation  drug/alcohol use, relationship to family, etc. If the choices they make aren’t choices you’d respect or make don’t go on a date with them

Don’t go on a date with someone if they wont meet you halfway

  • Not only in terms of distance but also compromise. You live in Park Slope, he lives in Bushwick but he only wants to hang out in Bushwick or Williamsburg? Not cool

Don’t date people outside of your travel zone

  • This might sound bad but lets be real here. If you live in Manhattan in the East Village, and your potential date lives in Marlboro, NJ things probably wont work out. I’ve got nothing against long distance relationships but if you’re unwilling to cross state lines to date someone don’t feel bad about it. It wont work in the long run.

Ok now you’ve met a person that you might want to go on a date with and now you’re wondering where to go. If you’re on a budget you probably already know some great date ideas. For the less budget minded person, here are some great first date ideas:

  • A  dive bar
  • A fancy bar
  • A really fancy rooftop bar

And for the teetotalers

  • Bowling
  • Trivia night
  • Mini golf
  • Karaoke

With that out of the way, here are some bad first date ideas:

  • The movies
  • A restaurant
  • A comedy show
  • A museum/botanic garden/a zoo
  • A club

What do these things have in common? They are not focused on talking to a partner. Save these date ideas for a second date and thank me later.

You might be thinking “Well, what about bowling, karaoke, trivia, and mini golf?” and you’d be right to question me. The difference is that while these involve  activity that isn’t  talk focused, you have a lot of down time to actually talk. You can’t really ask someone about their stamp collection during a movie can you?

One more thing to remember: If you get a bad vibe before a date, trust your instincts and cancel.

Not that this is foolproof  but the negative vibe you’re feeling might be indicative of something bigger. If you’re wrong, you’re still bringing negative energy to a date. Go with your gut and cancel or reschedule.

Good luck out there

Demetrius Figueroa

Demetrius is a sex, dating, and relationship writer based in Brooklyn.

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