These dating questions brought you here, so let’s answer them

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Hey, it’s me, Demetrius. How’s it going in your part of the world? Listen, I’m going to level with you, writing 5 days a week can get a bit exhausting and at some point, I flat-out run out of things to write about. Luckily, that’s where you all come in. And by you all I mean people who use the internet to answer their dating questions.

Some of you are finding the blog in interesting ways, which I thought I’d address. Don’t worry, I can’t see who is searching the internet asking these questions and find my blog, but I know a bunch of you are. So let’s answer your burning questions:


Are some guys bad texters?

Most definitely! And some guys are actually really good texters. And some men write poetry over text. And some men only reply in emojis. Look, it’s very likely that the man in question is actually bad at texting, or maybe you’re bad at texting and he’s bad at texting you. I’ve dated quite a few women and the ones who would say that I was bad at texting are the ones who texted in the least efficient way for me. They did things like sending twelve texts back to back when one long text would do, expecting immediate responses, expecting long responses when they only sent three words, and so on. If you’re in a relationship with someone and they’re a bad texter, they’re probably just a bad texter. If you’re in the early stages of dating and they’re a bad texter, it could mean that they’re actually bad, or not prioritizing you. One thing I would be wary of, and I usually see as a warning sign, is if someone starts off as a good texter, but then becomes bad. That’s usually a sign that something has changed for them.

I like her but she is too young. What should I do?

I’ve always found that whenever anyone phrases a question by saying that someone is too” anything for them, the decision as to whether or not to date them is made up. You either aren’t going to date them, and you want confirmation that you’re making the right decision, or you’ve decided to date them, but want someone to disagree with your statement. Either way, I’ve got an answer for you. First, when you say that she’s “too young” for you, what do you mean. If you mean legally, nix the very idea of dating her. If you mean that she’s too young based on the social views on age gaps in dating, really give some thought as to whether or not you agree with these views, and whether or not you’d be okay dating someone with an age gap considering how those views make you feel. Finally, if you genuinely believe that she’s too young for you, she is. If you’re just asking because you want someone to tell you it’s okay, it’s totally okay, as long as it’s legal, you aren’t taking advantage of someone, you have an understanding of what dating them would actually be like and understand what you’ll have to deal with when dating them, and as long as you’re personally okay with it, go for it. That goes for age gaps in any direction, and most dating scenarios you might consider mismatched.

My girlfriend met someone else

Sorry to hear that, but I have some news for you: She’s your ex-girlfriend now. But in all seriousness, focus on moving on. I’ve written about moving on a bunch, so I’ll give you a short summary of what to do:

  • Cut them out of your life & your online life. From now until infinity.
  • Take a break from dating and figure out what went wrong
  • Use that break to figure out what to look for in the future
  • Date when you feel ready to date

I want us to become friends first

It’s a very noble idea, but just keep in mind that not everyone will be on the same page as you. Many people will assume that this is a passive rejection. Other people, like me, feel uncomfortable entering into nebulous dating situations like being friends first because the progression from platonic to romantic has no real “ladder”, so to speak. It’s not necessarily a good or bad idea, and there are reasons for and against this approach that are valid. To each their own, just now that this approach will have a very different reaction from person to person. Personally, I think that you can build a friendship while building a relationship, because it’s not like human relationships are construction projects or something, but hey, that’s just me.

How to tell if you’ve been given the brush off

This one is tough, and honestly, whenever anyone asks me this question, they usually are the ones who will make excuses for the person doing the potential brushing off. That might be because if you’re asking if someone is giving you the brush off, in your heart of hearts, you hope that they aren’t. So here’s a good way to check. First, think of how often you used to remain in contact, and the substance of that contact. Now, think about when you started to notice that *maybe* you were being given the brush off. What’s different? What changed? Did they used to text you every day and now they don’t text you back at all? Did you used to see them once a week and now you haven’t seen them for a month? What you’re looking for is a pattern that previously existed, where they were showing interest, and now look for a pattern that shows disinterest. Don’t factor in the excuses they’ve given, just think about what they were like in the past, and what they’re like now.

If someone is busy but wants to see you, they’ll make an effort to. Even if that effort is them telling you that the next time they’re free is in a week. A lack of effort is “I’m busy, I’ll let you know when I’m free”. When someone is giving you the brush off they might stay in contact with you, but they damn well wont put in an effort to see you.

So there you have it.

Good Luck Out There.

Demetrius Figueroa

Demetrius is a sex, dating, and relationship writer based in Brooklyn.

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