Valentine’s Day is Just Another Day

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Hey, it’s Demetrius. How are you doing? I hope you’re doing well, but its okay if you’re not. Especially if the reason you aren’t doing so well is because it’s the eve of Valentine’s Day, and you’re feeling a bit down about the day and all the baggage it brings. Maybe you’re feeling lonesome, maybe you’re angry, or maybe you’re still feeling resentful of the people you’ve dated in the past, and those feelings are all the more magnified because of the cultural significance of the day. I’m not here to tell you those feelings are invalid, I just want to remind you of something. Valentine’s Day is just another day.

Look, I understand how much weight Valentine’s Day holds, both positive and negative, but please believe me when I tell you that it’s just another day. There’s nothing wrong with being single on 2/13, and there’s nothing wrong with being single on 2/15, so if you’re feeling down because you’re single on 2/14, you’re buying into the hype of Valentine’s Day, and you should stop. Your relationship status on Valentine’s Day is not a measure of you as a person, or even as measure of your worth as a potential romantic partner. If you’re single on Valentine’s Day, it just means that you’re single on a specific day of the year, one that we’ve come to associate with romance. It holds no deeper meaning than that. Being single on Valentine’s Day is like being sober on St. Patrick’s Day. While it might feel like everybody else is in a different position than you, it doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you.

Personally, I’ve always had conflicted feelings about Valentine’s Day. The marketing, the commercialization, the forced effort, but most of all, it’s a day of loss for me. It’s the day I buried my father, more than 20 years ago, so believe me when I say I’m not the hugest fan of the day in general. But you know what, it’s just a day, even for me. It’s the 45th day of the year, nothing more. It’s a day to celebrate the Christian martyr Saint Valentine of Terni, whose martyrdom has dick-all to do with love, romance, hearts, or Cupid. It’s a day that most likely came to be associated with romantic love because of Geoffrey Chaucer, because of the poem “Parlement of Foules”. It’s the day that Al Capone seized control of organized crime in Chicago. It’s the day that YouTube was launched in 2005 (as a dating app!).

The only significance that the day has is the significance that you allow it to have. You have every excuse to let the day get you down, or you can decide that you won’t let the day ruin your mood. You can let being single, or in a nebulous relationship status on Valentine’s Day ruin your day, or you can just focus on the happiness you do have. You can spend the day envious of your coworker who got a bouquet, or realize that getting the sex organs of dying plants is such a weird gift to begin with. You can spend the day lamenting the fact that no one got you chocolates, or find comfort in the fact that ALL VALENTINE’S DAY CANDY GOES ON SALE THE NEXT DAY. I could easily spend the day, every year, dwelling on the loss of my father, or I can enjoy the day for what it is, an excuse to blog.

The choice is yours. Just remember that Valentine’s Day is just another day. It’s a day that means whatever you want it to mean. It can mean a yearly reminder that you’re single, and a failure in your own eyes if you let it. Or, it can mean that you refused to settle on being with just any old warm body. It’s a day that can be filled with “what ifs”, or it can be a day filled with being at peace with being alone. It can be a day to lament being single, or a day that helps you put being single in perspective. It ain’t all bad, trust me. I spent years being single on Valentine’s Day and all I got out of it was the loyal readership of all you folks, and that’s worth way more than a dozen, 200% marked up, roses.

Whatever you decide, just remember: It’s just a day, and it’s okay if the day is hard for you. Just don’t let your relationship status get you down.

Good Luck Out There.

Demetrius Figueroa

Demetrius is a sex, dating, and relationship writer based in Brooklyn.

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