When should I stop pushing it?

sea-man-beach-holiday

petru1745 asks: 

Some background, i’ve just gone on my first date with a girl last friday . We had a great time, got along pretty well and had a lot of fun, the date was overall good (not kissing, let alone anything further)

When I [20M] left her [23F] in her house she said she’d like to see me again (yay!), but yesterday I texted her something like “I had a really good time last friday!” but got no response. Should I wait her to text me back or do I ask her out mid-week? Isnt the later one pushing a bit too much?

Help, this is my first time dating.



Demetrius says:

It seems like you’ve fallen into a trap that most people fall into after a good date: when you send a follow-up text that isn’t actionable after a good date. Don’t worry, it’s not a rookie move so much as a common mistake. We’ve all been there, myself included.

When you’re communicating with someone who you’re interested in, you have to really consider the purpose of your communications. While sending a text that says that you had a great time is fine, what purpose does it serve besides that? What you want to communicate, especially early on in your dating, is that you had a good time, and that you want to see the person again, preferably soon. What you sent didn’t exactly require a response so much as acknowledgement. Doing so would have been polite, but even if you got a thanks, me too” text, it wouldn’t have done you much good, would it?

What you need to remember in the future is to make your texts actionable. “I had a really good time” is cool and all, but “I had a really good time, are you free next friday I want to take you to my favorite (bar/restaurant/social setting etc.)” is much better because it’s actionable. I’m not saying that doing this will guarantee a second date, just that it increases the odds of a second date. So, if you’re wondering what to do next, here’s what you should do. Wait a day or two, no more than that, then send a follow-up text asking if she’s free when you’re free and have a planned date in mind. Again, this doesn’t guarantee a second date, but asking someone on a date and already having a plan in place makes the idea of going on that date with you more attractive.

You haven’t gotten to the point where you’re pushing too much just yet, but if she declines your plans, reply by saying that she should let you know when she is free again, because you’d really like to take her out. Don’t keep chasing after someone if they cancel or aren’t available. Put the ball in their court, and let them be the one to initiate if they reject your initiation. If she doesn’t come back around, she wasn’t interested in a 2nd date. Period.

Trust me on this, if she’s interested, she’ll get back to you. If she’s not, learn from your mistakes and move on.

Good Luck Out There.


Demetrius Figueroa

Demetrius is a sex, dating, and relationship writer based in Brooklyn.

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